I’m at my desk minding my own business, when THIS headline crawls across my screen…

“Crocs Shoes Linked to 40 Elevator Accidents in Japan”

I was planning to author my usual, pithy response to this article (one that probably would have touched heavily on the declining level of intelligence on this planet) when a scribe by the name of Monkeybrains, heretofore known as “Ultimate Genius”, summed it up quite nicely:

“Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don’t hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent - I don’t care which one - but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator.”

Amen, bruh.

Not to say elevators aren’t dangerous, and not to say there isn’t a chance that some freak Croc accident could occur given the right circumstances. But 40 accidents in the last YEAR? Something is going terribly wrong here and I’m willing to bet it ain’t the shoes.

I spent the first five years of my life jaunting around in 5-cent Jellies without ONE escalator accident to show for it. Kids today have got 2″ of NASA-regulated foam between themselves and the outside world, so I’m at a loss as to what the problem is.

ps — You’re right, it’s a “Mallrats” quote. But BESIDES that.

My job stinks.

More accurately, the people I work with stink.

A couple of weeks ago I submitted Rugby Team for your consideration. Now it looks like there are others in the office who aim to follow his olfactory example. The heartbreaking part is…I’m almost friends with some of them.

But rather than go into the specifics of who smells and when, I’d rather go into WHY it keeps happening. We’ve all had days where we’ve forgotten the deodorant or where we woke up so late there was no time for a shower. But what I’m referring to isn’t a singular occurrence. It’s a scene that’s becoming the rule rather than the exception — a stench so strong you can TASTE what it smells like hours later.

I’m starting to gag.

Maybe people become nasally IMMUNE to their own odor. Or maybe they assume that it’s not that noticeable to others. But whatever the case, short of sprinting in the opposite direction, I’m not quite sure how to deal. I’m definitely not close enough to say anything but shouldn’t there be someone else in their lives who CAN??

Guh. SO not looking forward to Monday.