But several fools made a Thursday post necessary.

First item up for bids features the story of a man that’s been fired — for smoking.

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Man Fired For Smoking Sues Company
By Jaclyn Fitzgerald and O�Ryan Johnson

Thursday, November 30, 2006 — A Buzzards Bay man peed into a cup and lost his job when the Scott Co. discovered he�d been inhaling more than the chemicals he sprayed on lawns - he was allegedly smoking cigarettes - according to a lawsuit he filed.

The employee, Scott Rodrigues, sued the national lawncare company yesterday for wrongful termination, claiming the company violated his civil rights. But company spokesman Jim King said the policy is meant to keep employees healthy and protect their wallets.

�They�re irrefutably doing things that harm themselves and they�re asking us to pay for that,� he said of smokers. �They�re asking us to underwrite the known risks of using tobacco.�

King, a vice president of communications with the Maryland-based Scott, admits to smoking a �handful� of cigars each year. He said the firm is flexible with staff who live with smokers or may themselves have the occasional smoke, be it a cigar or cigarette.

�The issue we�re really looking at is habitual use,� he said. �We�re not taking a poison in which it�s all or nothing. There�s some flexibility in the position of the policy.�

However Rodrigues, 30, claims in his lawsuit, filed in Suffolk Superior Court yesterday, that he saw none of that flexibility.

Rodrigues was assigned to the Sagamore Beach branch of Scotts Lawn Services.After he started work, Rodrigues was required to submit to drug testing that determined he had been using tobacco products. Although Rodrigues claimed that he did not smoke cigarettes during work hours or his break time, he was terminated based on his test results.

In his suit, which claims his civil rights were violated, Rodrigues demands damages and attorney fees.

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Now I’m not a fan of smoking but I find the actions of the Scott Company completely unacceptable. The idea that my EMPLOYER can have a say in non-work-related activities is absolutely ludricous to me.

Yes smoking is a poor health decision but so is getting drunk at the company holiday party. You gonna start firing for THAT?

Moving on. I’m not even CLOSE to knowing what to think of this next story…

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Nude Man on Crack Loses Arm to Gator
metro.co.uk

Thursday, November 30, 2006 — In further news of the misadventures of people who are naked, a naked man on crack was pulled from the jaws of an alligator in Florida on Wednesday.

He was only saved when sheriff’s deputies jumped into the lake where he was being eaten, and wrestled with the alligator until it let go of the man, before pulling the man about 40m back to the shore.

They had responded to several reports from members of the public that screams had been heard coming from the lake, at around 4 o’clock in the morning.

The man � identified as 45-year-old Adrian Apgar � lost his left arm in the alligator attack, as well as suffering severe injuries to his right arm and left leg. His right leg is believed to be fine.

‘He was totally naked,’ noted Sheriff Grady Judd.

He admitted to the deputies after he was pulled from the water that he’d been smoking crack. No explanation has yet been offered for why he was naked, although police have not ruled out the possibility that he might have decided to go for a swim.

Judd added: ‘He admitted that he’d been smoking crack cocaine. But still, it’s a human life. Our deputies don’t ask questions, they respond and they save people.’

At the time of writing, the condition of the alligator is unknown.

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Just…WHAT??!?

Based on your responses to last Tuesday’s post, here is the list of birth dates I’ve gotten so far. And if, for some reason, you’re not comfy with me sharing this info then lemme know and I’ll remove it.

NJ — 1/29
Team G — 2/06
Carin — 2/07
L.B. — 2/14
Ash — 2/20
Mr. Fab — 3/10
Tara — 3/25
Cody — 3/26
Michelle — 5/19
El Patro — 6/25
RW — 6/30
Guru — 7/7
MJB — 7/19
Erech — 8/8
Rachael — 8/23 (same day as my dad)
Ronin — 9/21
Dor — 9/25
Vixen — 10/2
Steve D — 11/13
Nicole — 11/21
Pomgirl — 11/21 (you rawk)
Eric — 12/3
Teri — 12/17
ACG — 12/21

Anybody else wanna pony up?

And because this post was so incredibly lame, here’s a little joke for you:

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A patrolman was making his evening rounds. As he drove past a car lot, he noticed two little old ladies sitting in a used car. He stopped to check things out…

“Ladies, might I ask why you’re sitting in this car. Are you trying to steal it?”

“Heavens no, we bought it!”

“Then why don’t you drive it away.”

“We can’t drive.”

“Then why did you buy it??”

“We were told that if we bought a used car here we’d get screwed so now we’re just waiting.”

Contrary to the charmingly misguided statements ofthis guy,you actually CAN stuff this.

And that’s exactly what you’d better be doing today.

Skip all the “watching what I eat” nonsense. I want a complete rundown of every turkey-related crumb, vittle and morsel you consume within the next 24 hours. And if any menu item isn’t at least 10% fat, don’t even bother listing it.

You can hop on a stairmaster or strap yourself to an elliptical later. Better yet, be like me and burn off all the excess flub on Black Friday. I’m tossing myself into the retail fray for absolutely no good reason this year — wish me luck.

Oh, almost forgot…

ps — I forwarded that card to Hammer. Eric told me to do it!

Yep, it’s that day of the year when I’m officially one year older. But on this particular day I’m just flippin OLD…30 years old.

An artifact.
A relic.
A rune.

At least I don’t yet look 30 yet, so I’m told. And I definitely don’t FEEL a decade older. I’ll console myself with that.

But, you know, all my unwarranted birthday griping makes me realize that I have no idea when anyone ELSE’S birthday is!

So what better way to keep up with you guys than to have you enter your birth dates in the comments section. I can’t promise you the birthday fanfare that Tara lovingly provides but you’ll definitely get a shout out. If you’re good.

HAPPY BIRTHDAYS ALL ROUND!

In the never-uttered words of Cochran, himself: “If the show don’t fit then pull that shit.”

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O.J. Book, TV Special Are Canceled
The Associated Press

Nov 20, 3:39 PM EST - After a firestorm of criticism, News. Corp. said Monday that it has canceled the O.J. Simpson book and television special “If I Did It.”

“I and senior management agree with the American public that this was an ill-considered project,” said Rupert Murdoch, News Corp. chairman. “We are sorry for any pain that his has caused the families of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson.”

A dozen Fox affiliates had already said they would not air the two-part sweeps month special, planned for next week before the Nov. 30 publication of the book by ReganBooks. The publishing house is a HarperCollins imprint owned — like the Fox network — by News Corp.

In the projects, Simpson speaks in hypothetical terms about how he would have committed the 1994 slayings of his ex-wife Nicole and her friend Goldman.

Relatives of the victims have lashed out at the now scuttled publication and broadcast plans.

“He destroyed my son and took from my family Ron’s future and life. And for that I’ll hate him always and find him despicable,” Fred Goldman told ABC last week.

The industry trade publication Broadcasting & Cable editorialized against the show Monday, saying “Fox should cancel this evil sweeps stunt.”

One of the nation’s largest superstore chains, Borders Group Inc., said last week it would donate any profits on the book to charity.

Simpson was acquitted in 1995 of murder in a case that became its own television drama. The former football star and announcer was later found liable for the deaths in a wrongful death lawsuit filed by the Goldman family.

Judith Regan, publisher of “If I Did It,” said she considered the book to be Simpson’s confession.

The television special was to air on two of the final three nights of the November sweeps, when ratings are watched closely to set local advertising rates. It has been a particularly tough fall for Fox, which has seen none of its new shows catch on and is waiting for the January bows of “American Idol” and “24.”