Went to Busch Gardens Howl O’Scream over the weekend and had a fun time. Though the beverage choices left much to be desired — Pepsi and Budweiser. Um, gross?

Rode a couple of coasters, stuffed myself full of pancakes and brisket, and was even introduced to a new method of parenting while there:

Guy walks over to the restrooms with one son and one daughter in tow. Guy’s obviously gotta pee like a racehorse but has no one to watch the kids. Guy’s screwed, right? You wish.

Because Guy’s got quite an out-of-the-box mentality. Why should his bladder swell to the size of a softball when there are complete strangers around to do his job for him?

So he grabs the attention of some random Dude and the conversation runs as follows:

Guy: Hey, you mind watching my kids for a second?
Dude: [stepping dutifully forward] Sure thing.
Guy: Thanks a million. I gotta go BAD!
Dude: No problem.
Me: [to Eric] Think we should stick around for awhile and keep these kids alive…?

The whole exchange was so inconceivable that I refused to believe Guy and Dude weren’t previously acquainted. But Dude’s wife killed my theory when she emerged from the restroom looking just as incredulous as I did at the sight of those kids.

I’d sooner unload my offspring on the guy in the above photo but then I live a rather sheltered life.

And lest ye fear they met with foul play, I’ll report that after the rest stop was concluded the kids were safely returned to their father. Not sure if that’s much to cheer about, though.

Thanks to Mr. Steve D for tagging me with this one. The idea is to look over the list and bold each item that you’ve experienced in your lifetime. Leave everything else alone.

But unless you’re Jacques Cousteau or the late Croc Hunter you’re probably not gonna have much more luck with this meme than I did…

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had/Have amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your cds
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the snake river
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Gotten flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in a Rocky Horror Picture Show
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Passed out cold
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a TV game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read “The Iliad”
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life

As you can see, I’ve lived a pretty bland life.

And this time I’ll be nice. Nobody (outside of RW) is obligated to complete this…unless you really, really, really want to.

Why would you visit a largely black metropolitan area, patronize a crowded restaurant and make vaguely racist comments with black people sitting RIGHT NEXT TO YOU?

Here’s the situation.

Eric and I headed to P.F. Chang’s after work, only to be faced with a 1:15 minute wait. Since I’d rather beat my face against a rock then let my ass chap for 75 minutes I opted for Legal Seafoods instead.

So we head across the hall and put our names on the wait list. Twenty minutes later we’re seated…next to the loudest, cornballiest, potentially drunken group of white folks I’ve ever had the pleasure of indirectly dining with.

There were six pricks in all and these weren’t young folks, no. These were Wyoming residents in their 40’s who were obviously taught how to behave in public at some point. Yet they chose to throw decorum to the wind just this one night so they could display their astounding wit to the multi-culti world at large.

Let’s backtrack a second.

While Eric and I waited for our seats we spotted a group of black teenagers strolling through the mall. They were obviously decked out — quite atrociously so — for homecoming festivities. One gentleman in particular sported a baby blue pimp suit and all of the guys had on sunglasses…at 8:30pm. They knew they were slammin.

Well, as luck would have it, this same group of teenagers puts in an appearance at Legal Seafoods. Once their table is ready they’re escorted to the upper level of the restaurant which means they have to parade past the table of aforementioned asshats. The SECOND that the last kid is out of earshot, the clowning begins:

First douche: [snickering] Did you see that??
Second douche: [snorting] Yeah, hilarious.
First douche: [uproarious] Who were they — The Jackson 5?!?

Then the Second douche, accompanied by one of his heifer friends, busts out in some buffoonish doo-wop dance replete with rolling arms and fists. This is not happening right in front of my face.

Me: [intentionally loud] Um, are we not sitting here??
Eric: [disgusted] I believe we are.
Me: Did they not just make a semi-racist joke in front of us?
Eric: That they did.
Me: And the sad part is their asses ain’t even FUNNY!

I know at least some of them heard me because I stared DEAD at them while I ranted. The cowards looked in my direction but refused to actually meet my gaze. Instead they pined for a world that was still flat and segregated.

They should be happy I’m not the belligerent type or they would’ve taken a bigoted stroll to the parking lot and found their effin cars keyed. Courtesy of The Jackson 5.

There’s George Michael, Boy George and now…George O’Malley?

What’s good for one George is good for the gander, I guess.

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AP

NEW YORK (Oct. 18) - “Grey’s Anatomy” star T.R. Knight says he’s gay, but hopes people don’t consider that “the most interesting part of me.” The 33-year-old actor addressed rumors of his sexuality in a statement to People magazine Thursday.

“I guess there have been a few questions about my sexuality, and I’d like to quiet any unnecessary rumors that may be out there,” Knight’s statement read. “While I prefer to keep my personal life private, I hope the fact that I’m gay isn’t the most interesting part of me.”

Knight plays Dr. George O’Malley on the popular ABC drama. A former stage actor, his television credits also include “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation” and “Law & Order: Criminal Intent.”

Knight’s “Grey’s Anatomy” character, a bumbling, puppy-eyed surgeon, has long been in love with Dr. Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo).

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I admit I didn’t see that one coming. But coming out in People magazine takes way more balls than George displays on a weekly basis. Kudos!

Gotta give thanks to Eric the German Gem for this bit of misanthropic affirmation.

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School bans tag, other chase games
POSTED: 10:52 a.m. EDT, October 18, 2006

ATTLEBORO, Massachusetts (AP) — Tag, you’re out!

Officials at an elementary school south of Boston have banned kids from playing tag, touch football and any other unsupervised chase game during recess for fear they’ll get hurt and hold the school liable.

Recess is “a time when accidents can happen,” said Willett Elementary School Principal Gaylene Heppe, who approved the ban.

While there is no districtwide ban on contact sports during recess, local rules have been cropping up. Several school administrators around Attleboro, a city of about 45,000 residents, took aim at dodgeball a few years ago, saying it was exclusionary and dangerous. (Watch how second-grader Kelsey interpreted the rule — 1:30)

Elementary schools in Cheyenne, Wyoming, and Spokane, Washington, also recently banned tag during recess. A suburban Charleston, South Carolina, school outlawed all unsupervised contact sports.

“I think that it’s unfortunate that kids’ lives are micromanaged and there are social skills they’ll never develop on their own,” said Debbie Laferriere, who has two children at Willett, about 40 miles south of Boston. “Playing tag is just part of being a kid.”

Another Willett parent, Celeste D’Elia, said her son feels safer because of the rule. “I’ve witnessed enough near collisions,” she said.

Copyright 2006 The Associated Press.
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My question is, how exactly are they going to enforce this? I mean, the only way to put a stop to a kid tearing ass across the playground is to throw caution to the wind and give chase yourself. Pardon me but isn’t that TOTALLY in violation of the very “no chasing” ban that playground officials are sworn to protect?

I’m just sayin’.

*Mainly the stupid ones.