As evidenced by the gingerly-crafted, lovingly-penned funeral program some drunk authored on his behalf.

And in case some of you aren’t convinced of this guy’s blatant superiority over the bulk of mankind, here’s all the proof you’ll ever need…

TOP 10 REASONS ROOSEVELT RAWKS:
1) The first time you met him you wouldn’t like him.
2) He “love drinking his liquid”
3) He needed anger management classes.
4) “Stroking by Clarence Carter” was his jam.
5) His street name was “Real Hard R.C.”
6) He married a woman named Pee Wee.
7) He would refer to loved ones as “Junkie, Monkey and Coon”.
He had an 8 year old child named “Titter” and another named “Shtorn”.
9) The sun “rised” on his behalf.
10) He somehow convinced Pee Wee to pay for his funeral.

TELL me this guy isn’t awesome!!?

Though I admit that I wasn’t really looking for it.

Instead, I unearthed the lame immeasurably profound meaning behind the lyrics to Butterface’s newest release. Her song, not her boob.

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Fergie Reveals Sexy Meaning Behind “London Bridge” Song
September 21, 2006 by exposay.com

Believe it or not, Fergie’s new catchy song isn’t really about the London Bridge or the cute nursery rhyme for that matter. The Black Eyes Peas hit solo single is really about a foursome sex orgy - the horror!

The pop star recently released her first solo single “London Bridge” and after hinting it was about a bedroom activity the racy topic of the track has now been revealed.

The song, which is included on her debut solo album “The Dutchess,” refers to when two women and two men have sex and form a position to make a “bridge.”

Despite writing about the racy subject, Fergie insists she has never participated in the act.

She said, “Have I ever been involved in one? No I don’t think I ever have actually. No, no I haven’t. But I’m definitely touching on issues that aren’t childlike!”

Fergie, real name Stacey Ferguson, has previously refused to talk about the song’s subject matter when quizzed about it.

In the chorus of the song she sings, “How come every time you come around, my London Bridge wanna go down?”

But when she was recently asked what the lyrics referred to, Fergie said, “That’s the magic question. I’m not going to be specific with it because it can have several meanings. People should use their imagination.”

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Questions for anyone…

1) Anyone bother reading the whole article?
2) Anyone bother listening to the whole song?
3) Anyone out there still think Fergie is hot?
4) Anyone out there EVER think Fergie was hot?
5) Anyone think the Peas want her back??

If the answer to even one of these questions is anything other than “HEYELL NO” then I’m afraid I can’t be your friend no more. Sorry.

Last week I was gonna pose a question but then I came up with the answer two days later. But I’ll ask it anyway and why not make it multiple choice??

Q: Why do broads fan their faces when they cry?*

a) sobbing tears are hot
b) bawling breath is stank
c) weepy mascara is gross
d) a swarm of sniveling snatches made it through the first round of America’s Next Top Model

Okay, so I didn’t intend for this to turn into an ANTM post but it’s too late to change it now. I’m just kinda mad that most of these broads don’t look like nothing. Hell, I could get a $100K contract with Cover Girl if a bland face and a jutting pelvis are all it takes.

Well I’d probably have to pay for the jutting pelvis. Those don’t come naturally.

* “All of the above.”

I decided today’s post won’t have any. Here’s a joke instead.

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A woman was leaving a convenience store with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching a nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance back, were about 200 women walking single file.

The woman couldn’t contain her curiosity so she respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, “I am so sorry for your loss and I know now is a bad time to disturb you. But I must say that I’ve never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”

“My husband’s.”

“What happened to him?”

The woman replied, “My dog attacked and killed him.”

She inquired further, “Well, who is in the second hearse?”

The woman answered, “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her.”

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.

“Can I borrow the dog?”

“Get in line.”

My stomach’s churning, my throat is seizing and I’m a half-step away from a figurative migraine.

Though I’m not sure exactly why. I mean, it’s not like believed that all traces of racism had miraculously dissipated from this country’s collective consciousness. Instead, in an age of political correctness, it dilutes itself, re-orgs itself and neatly tucks itself away.

Or it re-packages itself into a pair of blonde-haired, blue-eyed, Adolf-worshipping 14 year old girls.

Meet Lamb and Lynx Gaede. The offspring of two card-carrying “white nationalists” whose message of hate white pride has been drilled instilled into their daughters since birth. Now they’re being pimped carted around to every state south of the Mason Dixon line to spread their bullshit message of backwater ignorance unconditional love and tolerance for all white people living creatures.

As spelled out here by ABCNews:

Lynx and Lamb have been nurtured on racist beliefs since birth by their mother April.

April home-schools the girls, teaching them her own unique perspective on everything from current to historical events.

Songs like “Sacrifice” — a tribute to Nazi Rudolf Hess, Hitler’s deputy Fuhrer — clearly show the effect of the girls’ upbringing. The lyrics praise Hess as a “man of peace who wouldn’t give up.”

Since they began singing, the girls have become such a force in the white nationalist movement, that David Duke — the former presidential candidate, one-time Ku-Klux-Klan grand wizard and outspoken white supremacist — uses the twins to draw a crowd.

Shit is gross.

But the thing that disgusts me the most isn’t the lame, antiquated litany that hood-wearers have been touting for generations. It’s that this updated wave of klansmen is too fuckin pansy to even ADMIT that they’re racist. Instead they’re putting pretty labels on their brand of vomit like “white pride” and “defensive racism” and “love of culture”.

Using two, doe-eyed girls to ho’ your hatred around doesn’t hurt either.

Yet I’m sure a yokel’s rebuttal to my argument would be something like, “How come ‘you guys’ can love your race and we can’t??” And with a phrase like “you guys,” he would have pretty much answered his own question.

Drop the “pride” act, slack-jaw. You fools don’t give a FLIP about anyone else’s culture but your own. As far as you’re concerned, the rest of us are genetically flawed, intellectually stunted, socially bereft half-breeds that deserve to be shipped back to our country of origin.

Of course we’ll just conveniently overlook the fact that none of you assholes started off in this county either.