You guys will never guess what I did on Monday night.

Effin STABBED myself through the forearm with a frickin piece of glass.

Yep.

I got home with a ton of groceries in hand to find that the framed print I had hanging in the kitchen had plummeted to a glassy death. So I got out the paper towels and bags to start rounding up the shards.

First I pulled out the pieces that were still lodged in the frame, including one particularly large piece which I gingerly placed in the trash bag.

Next it was time to collect the pieces on the floor. I bent down, not realizing that the corner of that first piece was sticking out of the bag right next to me.

You know what’s coming.

I reached over the bag for a piece of glass and felt what I thought was my forearm bumping into something. It wasn’t until after I saw all the blood on the floor that I realized I’d literally SKEWERED PART OF A LIMB. The glass went in so deep that there was an entrance AND an exit wound.

Ma, I been STABBED!

I managed to halt the bleeding and bandage everything up. Then Tuesday I saw my doctor and it turns out that tetanus is still a concern despite that fact that the wound was inflicted by glass rather than metal. Which meant I had the pleasure of waiting almost TWO HOURS for a flippin tetanus shot.

Ma, I been shot AND stabbed!

Then the doctor plied me with antibiotics and a sloppily applied gauze wrap. And just to rub salt in my puncture wound, she advised me to “Be careful next time.”

You mean, since I traipse through broken glass just for the taste of it?

Exactly.

Thanks to those of you who so kindly wished me a happier weekend. Things got a little better after they wound down a bit, but then guess what happened?

We all ended up right back at work again.

Yep, even you lucky schmucks that gleefully gloated over your “work from home” status on Friday. But hey, you’re still getting booty-pimped by The Man, so take THAT!

Fine, I’m bitter. That doesn’t make me a BAD person, does it?

Anyway, since we’ve all established that we’d rather be someplace else, here’s a slightly modified version of the Fabulous Four meme from Ms. Vixen. Hopefully it’ll help us all forget where we are for about five minutes or so.

====================

1. Food Service Hag
2. Pottery Barn Lackey
3. File Clerk
4. RA

1. Clue
2. Pulp Fiction
3. The Godfather
4. Big Trouble in Little China

1. Fort Washington, MD
2. Brooklyn, NY
3. New York, NY
4. Hyattsville, MD

1. Design to Sell (I’m still on a house kick)
2. House Hunters
3. Flavor of Love (I admit it)
4. Best Week Ever

1. Orlando, FL
2. Myrtle Beach, SC
3. Atlanta, GA
4. Los Angeles, CA

1. Fat
2. Sugar
3. Carbs
4. Cholesterol

1. In bed
2. On vacation
3. Bathing in money
4. On my private jet to my private island to stash away the money I just finished bathing in

1. I’m easily amused
2. I’m easily confused
3. I’m friendly
4. I’m a cornball

1. Red (because she’s a meme lover)
2. Riss (because I’ve never tagged her before)
3. Rachael (because I’m hoping this will be fun)
4. RW (because I’m sure something twisted will come out of this)

Fridays normally kick ass.

Except when work sucks and it does right now. Projects are suddenly rolling in by the truckload and there’s some other jacked up stuff going on that I’m not at liberty to discuss. But suffice it to say that a broad is less than chipper about her current state of job affairs.

Which is why the following animation seems way more hilarious to me than it probably has any right to…

I’m tickled to death by whatever attention this little blog gets. No matter what kind of attention it might be. Today I’m endlessly fascinated with spam comments.

Have you guys seen these things lately? Gone are the days when you could look forward to endless text strings clogging your inbox. Nowadays spammers have gone high tech and are actually writing real comments. They might not actually apply to your post but they are semi-coherent. In fact, they’re either so hilarious that you look forward to reading them or so well written that you’re tempted to post the comment anyway.

Often the most hysterical part is the name of the “authors” themselves. Case in point:

1) My early and invincible love of reading I would not exchange for all the riches of India. — Penis Enlargement

2) I used to dress up and impersonate our next-door neighbor, Miss Cox. She wore rubber boots, a wool hat, and her nose always dripped. — Human Growth Hormone

3) Hockey is probably one of the most expensive sports. You have to have a place to play. You have to have the proper equipment. You have to have the transportation to get there. — Enzyte

4) I never make the mistake of arguing with people for whose opinions I have no respect. — VigRx

5) I get motion sickness really easy. – Male Enhancement

6) I have a lot of real life experience with hustling and doing stupid stuff. – GenF20

7) In short, not only are things not what they seem, they are not even what they are called! — Vitamax

I had had a troubled past, but like most rappers they go out and talk about it to kind of help their career. — Human Growth Hormone

9) Freedom of speech is always under attack by Fascist mentality, which exists in all parts of the world, unfortunately. — Vimax

10) A lot of talented actors still have to pay their bills. — Fleshlight

11) All that running around in my underwear put money in my pockets. I can focus on working in interesting movies without having to worry about supporting myself. — Penis Enlargement

12) Do you like NBA,do you want to have a pair of shoes look like the stars.Choose our products, you can achieve your dream. – Nikelift1

13) But I think that the most important thing was to really stop drinking. — Xenical

14) Helena Bonham-Carter was pretty good underneath that makeup, but Jennifer is extremely sexy in this movie, not to mention talented. — Penis Enlargement Pills

Jebus, is EVERY online hustle schlong-related??

ps — PLEASE update your bookmarks and feed urls!!!

I admit, I’m always digging into your business. But you really can’t blame me since you guys are the ones being fascinating and whatnot. Anyway, I need you to tell me:

Why am I asking? Because someone featured on one of my beloved real estate shows stated that she “…never understood the whole shower trend. It’s ALL about the bath tub!”

I couldn’t disagree with her more.

I know what a lot of bath proponents will say. Baths are comforting, relaxing and a perfect end to a ridiculous work day. But I dunno…the idea just doesn’t work for me.

I remember taking bath after bath as a kid in which I invariably ended up playing with the small islands of soap scum that built up after after a good scrubbing. If I just spent the last 20 minutes scrapping that nastiness off then why would I wanna laze about in a pool of it??

I’m sure Team G knows what I’m talking about.

I’m also sure that most of you don’t share my opinion so I’m opening up the floor. Spill it!

Just don’t get any water on the floor.

ps — PLEASE update your bookmarks and feed urls!!!