Eric and I got into a fake debate over a man-subject the other day.

Which means I should’ve just take his word for it since I’m not a guy, right? But you know me — shutting up is definitely not my forte. So, as per my usual, I thought I’d air the topic on the blog. Because here NOTHING is sacred.

The question I’d like to pose to the guys (gals are more than welcome to chime in) is: why do you zip after you button?

Every guy I’ve ever dated handles wardrobe assembly the same way — when you’re putting on pants, you button first THEN you zip. For me, that would make it next to impossible to yank the thing all the way up. And of the two genders, I’d think that GUYS would have more of a vested interest in keeping that area thoroughly covered (most of you anyway).

Long ass question short: is button-zipping a GUY thing or is it just a matter of preference?

I must do a lot of free-basing in my sleep.

My dream from last night? I was Beyonce’s new best friend.

We were apparently quite close until things suddenly and inexplicably fell apart. Beyonce’s explanation for the break up, “She was too into her cats. Every time we tried to hang out she had to run and ‘Make sure they’re okay’ or ‘Check to see they weren’t dead’ or something. I just got tired of it.”

Beyonce, you’s cool and all but my cats are my CATS.

Cranky Liberal and Bastard at Bring It On asked folks to get the word out about this.

It is a non-partisan drive to provide less fortunate soldiers in Iraq with body armor and any other supplies they may need. Read on if you’re interested in taking part in an effort that will really support our troops…

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Everyone,

This is the first time I have ever mass blasted something that is going on Blog Wise. I’m an ardent believer in reducing the amount of SPAM in life, but there are just times you need to be a little more vocal.

Please read the announcement below from my good friend TB over at Bring It On. We are kicking off an important fund raiser for our troops, and we ask you to consider helping in any way you can — even if it is just a mention. This is a non-partisan issue; please help us help our brothers and sisters. (Oh and if you already know about this drive or have recieved email from someone else, I am sorry - feel free to yell at me.)

Thank You,
Cranky

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In the next couple of weeks a new site will be launched called Bake Sales for Body Armor, it is a not-for-profit site that will be dedicated to raising money to buy body armor for the less fortunate men and women of our Armed Forces that cannot afford to buy it on their own. This not-for-profit is being endorsed by Bring It On! because we feel it is a disgrace that our own government cannot properly equip our brave men and women of the Armed Forces.

Bring It On! also felt that this issue is one that cannot wait and have decided to raise money in advance of the launch of Bake Sales for Body Armor. Please click on this link to donate or get a bumper sticker or shirt to show your support for this cause. All proceeds will be donated to Bake Sales for Body Armor. This is a non-partisan issue, the lives of our soldiers are at stake, please donate now!

After donating, feel free to post this message on your site to help get the word out.

The creator of Bake Sales for Body Armor ia Tammara Rosenleaf, who is a member of Military Families Speak Out (MFSO), Helena Peace Seekers, Just Don’t Go and the Prairie Chapel 12. Tammara’s husband Sean is currently serving in Iraq. Tammara can be reached at: tammara@bakesalesforbodyarmor.com.

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***Further clarification from Bastard***

I would also note that it is not just body armor. Short of supplying ammunition we are interested in buying whatever the soldier needs to stay alive. Medical equipment, cooking utensils, even clothing. We are taking requests from soldiers now and sorting through what is needed.

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I have face pizza.

Not that you’d know it to look at me now, but I’ve had a problem with greasy trackage since the 5th grade. My face, quite simply put, is an all-you-can-eat buffet of acne issues. The only reason it’s under control NOW is due to one of the most marvelous advents in medical science and pharmaceutical commercialism: Accutane.

Quite simply, it’s the most beautifulest pill I’ve ever taken.

I went on my first round of the miracle drug in high school; three weeks of it eradicated 7 STRAIGHT YEARS of horridious breakouts. The clearface phenomenon lasted all the way through college. In my opinion, it’s the pharmaceutical version of the Second Coming of Christ.

Not that everyone will agree with me on this. I mean, dude, the side effects of this medication are a virtual laundry list of horrors. The most dramatic of which are ghastly birth defects that could afflict an unborn child if a female patient gets pregnant. It’s obviously a pill that can’t be carelessly dispensed so I completely understand that doctors need to go over all the risks before prescribing it.

What I do NOT understand is how Capitol Hill used Accutane as a platform to bust its way into my medicine cabinet.

Back in the day, you needed a counseling session with your doctor and a monthly confirmation that you weren’t knocked up — be it a pregnancy test or a prescription for oral contraceptives. But in 2006 we seemed to have DEVOLVED into some kind of medical dictatorship. The gubment has recently passed legislation that makes it next to IMPOSSIBLE to get an Accutane prescription filled. I’d probably have an easier time requesting 50 kilos of coke at the Target pharmacy. (Now that would make for one HELL of a blog post, wouldn’t it…?)

Here, in very rough form, is the gubmental list of Accutane demands:

1) I must be given a blindingly-bright yellow, 3-ring binder issued by a program called iPledge that outlines the horrors of pregnancy and Accutane.

2) I must fill out several pages of documentation stating that I shouldn’t have sex, that I won’t get pregnant while having sex and that my fetus will emerge with three heads if I become pregnant while having sex.

3) I must register on the iPledge web site once a month, answer a series of (dumbass) questions and confirm that I have not become somebody’s baby-mama within the last 30 days. My doctor must also take time out of HIS busy schedule to log on to the site and agree with every word I’ve typed.

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The iPLEDGE program is a computer-based risk management program designed to further the public health goal to eliminate fetal exposure to isotretinoin [Accutane] through a special restricted distribution program approved by the FDA. The program strives to ensure that:

* No female patient starts isotretinoin therapy if pregnant
* No female patient on isotretinoin therapy becomes pregnant

This enhanced program is a SINGLE pregnancy risk management program for prescribing and dispensing all isotretinoin products (brand and generic products). The iPLEDGE program requires registration of all wholesalers distributing isotretinoin, all healthcare professionals prescribing isotretinoin, all pharmacies dispensing isotretinoin, and all male and female patients prescribed isotretinoin. This program is designed to create a verifiable link between the negative pregnancy test and the dispensing of the isotretinoin prescription to the female patient of childbearing potential.
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4) My prescription MUST be accomapanied by the blindingly-bright yellow iPledge “card” — which confirms my understanding that Accutane is killing my unborn child — when I head to the pharmacy. Otherwise the pharmacist will drag me out into the parking lot and thoroughly fistbeat my ass.

5) If I wait longer than seven days to have my scrip filled it is no longer legally valid and will be consumed in the ever-burning flames of hell.

6) I must return to my doctor once EVERY 30 DAYS to lather, rinse and repeat steps 2 through 6. Which means another $20 copay every month (and is Bush gonna foot the bill for this? I think not).

Someone explain WHY haven’t I moved to Canada yet?

I’ve been tagged — AGAIN!

This time by Lil Red. That means somebody gives a rat’s ass for my 2 cents?? I’m fattered!

Seven Things To Do Before I Die:
1 - Learn another language.
2 - Live in NYC again (maybe).
3 - Get my armpits lasered (hey, YOU asked).
4 - Learn to drive stick (no, not THAT kind of stick…)
5 - Travel to London.
6 - Buy a house.
7 - Learn to play piano (I’m told I’d be good at it).

Seven Things I Cannot Do:
1 - TOLERATE STUPID PEOPLE (Red was spot-on with this one).
2 - A split (again, I’m with Red).
3 - Live a life without cats (ibid).
4 - Pee standing up (no fair that dudes can do that).
5 - Not be a geek.
6 - Avoid using a computer for 24 straight hours.
7 - Quit drinking Coke.

Seven Things That Attract Me To…Blogging:
1 - Somebody somewhere said I could write…and I bought it.
2 - Meeting Eric (okay, I didn’t KNOW that was going to happen ahead of time, but still…)
3 - Getting comments from some extremely hilarious people.
4 - General disdain for my PAID occupation.
5 - Boredom.
6 - It helps me hone my writing skills (doesn’t it, Red??)
7 - It keeps me semi-literate.

Seven Things I Say Most Often:
1 - “Dude!”
2 - “Like…”
3 - “Um…”
4 - “I hate that!”
5 - “Are you KIDDING me??”
6 - “Retard.”
7 - “You’re assed out.”

Seven Books That I Loved:
1 - Alice In Wonderland (mock all you want to)
2 - The Golden Compass
3 - The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
4 - Jurassic Park (hey, it WAS a good book)
5 - The Poisonwood Bible
6 - The Stand
7 - Parable of the Sower

Seven Movies That I Watch Over and Over Again:
1 - Big Trouble In Little China
2 - Elizabeth (again, siding with Red)
3 - Beetlejuice
4 - Clerks
5 - Clue
6 - Pulp Fiction
7 - Friday

Seven People That Get to Join In Too (if they haven’t already):
1 - Tara
2 - Beth
3 - Eric
4 - Genderist
5 - Jay
6 - Dor
7 - JM