My New Years Resolution for 2006?

Great POSTS.
Less FORWARDS.

Okay, so it should be “FEWER forwards” but you get my drift. Next year there will be more of me and less of those other people. Even though those other people can be pretty dang funny at times.

I’ll try to ensure more original content for my loyal readers in 2006. I’ll spend every waking hour brainstorming new material. I’ll check and double check all urls to ensure accuracy. I WILL BE A BEACON TO BLOGGERS YEARNING TO BREATHE FREE!

Actually, I’ll just write more of my own crap and shut the hell up.

HAPPY 2006 TO YOU ALL!!!

Kiss! Kiss!
Nicole

How exactly do you KNOW you’re driving too fast?
(I’ve got all kinds of email goodies to post by COB 2005 but they’re funny, so please bear with me…)

Word verification.

It would be just dandy if the “word” in question was legible enough to VERIFY.

But it’s not the concept that sucks. It’s the execution — at least as far as Blogger is concerned. Not only do they take it upon themselves to throw together the most RANDOM conglomeration of characters ever assembled in the English language. They also feel the need to twist and warp each one to the point of obscurity. It’s like holding a defective Speak ‘n’ Spell in front of a funhouse mirror; only not half as entertaining.

Yes, I am aware of the 238 spam comments I’d be wading through if not for the advent of verification technology. I’m just saying…can’t it be a TEENSY bit more user-friendly??

Not that any of this is news to anybody. You guys play through the pain every time you post a [much appreciated] comment on this blog. Just thought I’d let you know that I sincerely empathize. Especially with you, Thordora.

What’s the smallest gift you can possibly spend $18.5 billion on?

A frickin gift card.

Okay, so nobody’s spending that amount on ONE, solitary card. But that’s how much revenue will be generated by these suckers during the 2005 holiday season alone — $18.5 BILLION, people. That’s a hell of a lot of duckets to dunk on one, piddly piece of plastic.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not downing these little gems in the least. They’re a life saver to those of us who either have no clue what gift to get somebody or no desire to lose hours of their lives shopping for it. What gets me isn’t the existence of gift cards. It’s which retailers have taken it upon themselves to SELL them.

I’m not sure who was first on the scene: the Gap, Victoria’s Secret, who knows? What I do know is that gift cards became popular because there was a DEMAND for them. People get giddy when they open a colorful, cardstock envelope and discover $25 to spend at Pottery Barn. People do NOT get so giddy when someone hands them $15 bucks to burn at Furniture Medic.

Sure, a Sunoco card is definitely of practical value. But come on, does that really constitute an EXCITING Christmas gift? Are you honestly gonna get all teary-eyed over a $50 endowment from Terminix??

And the REALLY sucky part is, after awhile, a gift card ain’t worth jack. Sure your $30 Macy’s card might look all sparkly in the wrapper. But after 18 months of burning a hole in your wallet, it’s dwindled down to maybe somewhere around…$19?

So next Christmas, when you’re roaming the malls, at wit’s end over what constitutes an acceptable gift? Think of all the unnecessary drama that a gift card may rain down upon the heads of your loved ones and ask yourself: would they prefer it in red or blue?

Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup or brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo
again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and
drink.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it?s best to make sure
the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup…just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs, add to the bowl and chuck in
the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frickin fruit up off the floor.

Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry
it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt or something. Who giveshz a sheet. Check the
Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don?t forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make
sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

Cherry Mistmas