This new apartment search is becoming a royal pain in my pet-owning ass.

First I had to deal with all the asinine “no pet” policies.
Next, fools had the audacity to exact $500, non-refundable “pet deposits.”
Now dorks are actually discriminating against certain TYPES of animals.

I emailed one guy to ask the details of his pet policy? Stuff and utter nonsense…

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What pet do you have? If it is a small dog, I just charge you $50 extra each month. If a large dog or cat, sorry. Thanks!
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You know I had to ask how my 13 lb. cat was more of a threat to someone’s hardwood floors than, say, a 17 lb. bull terrier. The guy’s response?

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More renters complain about cats of previous renters than dogs and cats do more damage than small dogs too.
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For once, I’m at a loss for words…

Anybody got Al Sharpton’s phone number??

It’s a headgear epidemic around here.

I’m in the work kitchen, heating up my Cardboard Cuisine. Everything is going swimmingly until around T-2 minutes when some broad saunters in. She grabs her frozen entree from the freezer and then? Just stands there.

Am I giving a show? What the hell is she waiting for?

My mind is fully blown when I realize she’s gonna stand here an entire two minutes while my crap cooks. ARE? YOU? KIDDING? ME?

(I’m sure you’re thinking, “Two minutes - big deal.” Next chance you get, try staring at some random, mute broad for 120 seconds just to see how entertaining that nonsense is.)

Sure, in most office environments a microwave is considered a pretty hot commodity. But this is AOL - we’ve got at least 851 microwaves in this building. Is this woman dumb or just stupid?

And even if this were the last working microwave on earth, what kinda halfwit stands in line for the privilege of using a kitchen appliance??

Get outta here, ya animal!!!

This day sucks all to hell.

And it’s only 12:38pm.

I just found out that the apartment complex I was planning to move into? Might get sold and converted to condos, which would leave me totally assed out. Guess mom’s got nothing to moan about now, huh?!

But today could blow much harder if I were living in New Orleans, like poor Harald:

“I could have stayed at home and watched my roof blow off. Instead, I came down here and watched the Superdome roof blow off. It’s no big deal; getting wet is not like dying.”

Hey, the man’s got a point!

This cretin found gas for only $15.54 and he’s STILL trying to steal it???

Man Arrested in Theft of Gas
Thursday August 25, 2005 6:59am

Baltimore (AP) - A gas station attendant is a little banged up, but back on the job, after he tried to stop a man from driving off without paying for a fill-up.

It happened about noon Wednesday at the Glenmore Service Center in northeast Baltimore.

Attendant John Harrison was dragged a short distance down Glenmore Avenue before he broke loose from the fleeing car. A witness called police and chased the car.

City police say the driver, 20-year-old Joseph Washington, crashed the car and tried to flee on foot - then scuffled with the officers who arrested him.

Washington is charged with the theft of $15.54 worth of gas, three counts of first-degree assault, two counts of hit and run, reckless driving and possession of marijuana.

Blog spam.

Never even realized it existed. Now my blog is plagued with it.

I don’t know what site I surfed, what list I joined, or what ad I clicked, but every spambot on the planet is pointed at my blog with phasers set to “innundate.”

Half a dozen anonymous comments from blogs that are alleged to highlight such lofty topics as “Earning Money While Sleeping” and “Electric Scooters.” Uh, yeah.

Anyway, if my REAL blog peeps out there have any advice on spam blocking or avoidance, feel free to share. Because this malarkey is getting real effin annoying.